Assumptiveness Makes a Deal for You And Me
- Dan Greenberg
- Sep 6, 2023
- 5 min read
Speaking assumptively to clients and potential clients is good, but not really for the same reasons that many people think. If you have not spent a lot of time thinking through the mechanics of the reactions and responses to different types of speech, it is worthwhile to think about this one. As sellers, we come across situations many times a day in which we have to decide how to craft an email or respond to a question, and knowing why assumptiveness is good, can help us decide when to use it, and when to use another type of response.
The most common reasoning that you will hear as to why assumptive speech should not be used is that it is a form of soft pressure, a way to persuade someone who is leaning away from the decision we want them to make to change their mind. It can be seen as a “used-car salesman” tactic, a bit sleazy. People tend to push back on using assumptive phrases because they feel it is too forward and that it will make them uncomfortable to employ such a tactic. However, the human brain is not wired that way. Humans don’t perceive polite and confident assumptiveness as pushy or sleazy, but importantly, they do perceive lack of assumptiveness in a very negative light.
What we are discussing here is far different than pushiness or sleazy closing techniques. Sure, if a seller moves past assumptive, to pushy, or sleazy, this will likely have adverse effects on the deal process. If you were, in fact, a used-car salesman, and within 5 minutes of meeting a prospective buyer, you said something to the effect of, “Come on, I know you are already envisioning yourself driving down the highway in that car with the top down, now grab this pen and give me your John Hancock”, you would probably turn that buyer off and put yourself in a tough position that you could not recover from.
The assumptiveness I am referring to is a quiet, and calm confidence that leverages social proof, and tells the buyer that you expect them to be seriously considering your product because so many others already do.
This type of assumptive speech is not used to persuade the people that are leaning towards “no”. Rather, it is used to reassure those that are leaning towards “yes”. The biggest problem with lack of assumptiveness is that it is very likely to turn a person leaning towards “yes” into a “no”. Here is why: We speak assumptively because if the answer is “yes” or “leaning yes”, then speaking without being assumptive will implant doubt in the other party’s mind. They will think, “well if that guy isn’t sure, then maybe I shouldn’t be sure”. This is a mostly subconscious response. On the other hand, if the answer is “no”, or “leaning no”, speaking assumptively can, in some cases, slightly patronize the other party, but the damage it might do if executed tactfully is extremely minimal relative to the damage that can be done if we don’t speak assumptively.
We can learn something from reality TV shows like Survivor, and Big Brother. If you have ever watched these shows then you will know that whenever a player gets wind of another player who has been talking about voting them out, their first response is not, “Wow, I can’t believe they did that, I don’t like that person”. Their first response is almost always something along the lines of, “Wow, I thought that person trusted me and wanted to work with me”. You see, the response is not about reacting negatively to the other player, their brain has already made the leap past their feelings of ill will to the second level of analysis where they assume that because they were a target of the other person, that means that the other person, reflexively, does not trust them. In reality, being targeted by that person could have been for any one of a number of reasons, but sensing anything that conveys doubt from another person always implants doubt in the mind of the person doing the evaluating.
We see this same dynamic play out in the real world all the time, whether it is office politics, or international power struggles amongst dictators and military leaders. When person “A” shows that they are doubtful about an outcome, the response is almost always for person “B” to assume that person “A” lacks trust in the outcome being mutually pursued, and not to assume deferentialness, or politeness, or any other potential reasons for that doubtfulness. This, in turn, will make person “B” doubtful about the outcome, and more likely to back away. This is why assumptiveness is so important. Afterall, if I work for the company that is selling you a product, and I am doubtful that you will buy, even if you were leaning towards buying, that will send you a strong signal that maybe you should rethink your position.
It is important to be tactful, calm, and confident when employing assumptive speech, but assumptive speech is key in most sales settings, especially those where you believe the buyer is leaning towards a “yes”. It is also important to remember to leverage social proof as that always helps convey tactfulness and confidence. Here are a few examples that work well in emails, as well as conversationally:
Most of the people I speak to like to get their work done in the morning and schedule their calls with me in the afternoon, so I have a few openings next Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon. Let me know what works best for you, and I would be happy to add something to your calendar.
Most of the clients that have recently started using our solution have mentioned to me that they love {so and so} feature, but I don’t know how important that is to you, so as we build our relationship and continue the dialogue, I’d love to learn more about what you are most interested in solving and if you know of any features that align with those problems.
I have a couple of ideas that I think would be excellent goals to set for the end of our next meeting. I have found, in learning from conversations with others in your industry, that it’s important to discuss these goals at this point in time, because I want to make sure we are in alignment so that I can work on making the process as seamless for you as possible.
Many of our partners have quarterly procurement processes to deal with and I wanted to check in on any deadlines that you may have. Assuming you do, we can set out a checklist that has been very successful in the past at helping companies navigate the procurement process. I have found this to be a great way to address some of the minor hurdles so that you and I can spend our time talking about the important things that affect your day-to-day.
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